1.
I will
pursue joy…through purposeful prayer
2.
I will pursue gratitude…. through purposeful prayer
3.
I will pursue faith and hope… through purposeful
prayer
4.
I will pursue love… through purposeful prayer
How shocking, New Year’s resolutions that have nothing to do
with our collective waist lines or checkbook bottom lines? These four simple phrases completely gob
smacked me…or more accurately God-smacked me.
You see, for the last 3 weeks or so I had been ridiculously mad and
discontent. Just p.o.’d to beat the band
(on a side note, is the band actually getting a beat down or do they get beat
in a competition or something…note to self:
google phrase “to beat the band”.
Okay, back to deep thoughts). I
had misplaced my compassion and love. My
faith and hope had floated away. My gratitude
was on life support and my joy was so tied to the nonsense of everyday that it
rushed in like a tsunami and receded like a drought. There was NO consistency and not one piece of
spiritual fruit to be had.
For a few days leading up to this message, I had been intermittently
poking around my psyche trying to get to the root of the problem. I washed dishes and gave it a poke; I made
the beds and batted a few ideas around; I grocery shopped and somewhere between
produce and the frozen foods section, I tried to sort it all out. Of course, I failed. What else could have been the outcome when I
left God completely out of my “process” (I like to say it like the Canadians do with
a long O sound..I think it makes me sound sophisticated). Not once had I checked in with Him. I wanted to “fix” myself and then come to Him
and say “see…I’ve got it all handled. I’ve
got this…look what I’ve done”. (Insert
hysterical laughter and snorts here) Yeah,
ummm, right…good luck with that. How in
the world did I think I was gonna pull that off, I do not know. And that’s when it hit me. I had been practicing an up/down, in/out,
push/pull, “drawstring” form of Christianity.
This particular brand of Christianity happens when you are
purposefully not purposeful. When you
ebb and flow with the day instead of the Holy Spirit. It looks a little something like this: You start Monday off feeling “nearer, my God,
to Thee”, all pulled up nice and snug and tight to heaven, eyes aglow with the
saving knowledge of God. It’s Tuesday, and
you’re rushing headlong into the week and BAM you hit your first speed bump…could
be a broken down car…could be a major to-do with one of your kids, but whatever
it is, it loosens your spiritual grip and you slip a wee bit down your
spiritual tether, but there’s no time to stop now. Wednesday is here, and it’s gonna be a loooong
one. What with running around all day
and getting the kids to church at night, you are exhausted and cranky by 9pm
and slip just a smidgey farther down your line from God. Thursday dawns, and you realize that there
are about five things on your weekly “to do” list that haven’t even come close
to happening; soooo instead of taking a breath and drawing closer to God, a
tight ball of frustration forms and the self-whipping begins….slllllliiiiip
farther away. FINALLLLLYYY, it’s “TGIF”….only
wait, you just realized that you have a house full of people coming over and
NOTHING is ready. You give your kids a crazed
rendition of today’s itinerary (and they look at you like you are full-on
nutcakes) and when they don’t move fast enough for your liking, you blow your
top so hard that the roof actually lifts off its moorings and a weird meaney –faced
cloud appears over your house that can be seen for miles around…..sllllllliiiiippppp
to the basement. Saturday opens with a
clean but unhappy house. Everyone is
walking on egg-shells around mom lest the “cloud of ugly” reappear for all the
county to see. You are completely tapped
by the time everyone arrives for what should be a perfectly lovely day. You feel rather disconnected from it all and
would love to just curl up in bed with a good book and absolutely no thoughts….slllliipppp
down into spiritual depression. NOW IT’S
SUNDAY…lots of scrambling ensues (because you were too tired last night to lay
out clothes) and there’s lotsa hootin’ and hollerin’ to get everyone out on
time. Your hubby gets some dirty looks
shot his way (even if he is completely oblivious to them) because (and I quote
from my own nasty internal monologue) “Why didn’t he jump in and just KNOW what
to do to help get everyone ready…and FAR BE IT FROM ME to ask…cause I shouldn’t
have to ask and so on and so on and…blah blah blah” and you can be heard uttering phrases like "I just wanna have a nice Sunday, please." ….sliiiiipppppp those last
few inches into spiritual darkness. Now
you are at church, and you let out a deep sigh, settle in and ready yourself to
be pulled in tight to God all over again.
ONLY…WAIT! Maybe, just maybe, this whole cycle can be stopped
in 2013. Could it be? Could there really be another way?
Yes…the answer is yes.
The cure for the spiritual life-threatening condition of “Drawstring
Christianity” is purposeful prayer that leads you to victory in the pursuit of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Prayer is your inoculation against this
dreaded condition. Prayer that matters…not
just the prayers we throw over our shoulders like salt for good luck, but
rather, prayers that purposefully target our weaknesses and challenges and
praise our God for deliverance from them.
No amount of self-speculation over frozen green beans will accomplish what
purposeful prayer will. I can make 2
million beds while trying to be better and do better, but without God in the
equation, it is counted as all dross or in Italian terms “garbagio” (which is
the Italian “Spanglishly” way of saying “nothin’ but JUNK”).
Soooo…for 2013 I am resolute. I will be purposeful in prayer. I will let those still moments with God lead
me to joy, gratitude, faith, hope and deep love. I will leave my contemplations in the produce
department for such deep thoughts as “should I go blonde again” or “is Joaquin
Phoenix really a big nutbar or is he just a normal dude with the great schtick of pretending to be crazy-cakes?” (yeah…I know.
It’s like a carnival up in here *pointing to my noggin*)
Ouch and thank you---all rolled into one! Thanks for being transparent and helping me feel normal in my spiritual slippage and for taking the time to point to the prayerful alternative!
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